BILL OF NO RIGHTS

"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help

everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots,

keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of

debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren,

hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense

guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other

liberal, bed-wetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are

confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No

Rights".

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any

other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but

no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is

based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You

may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but

the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be ... and like the

rest of us you need to simply deal with it.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a

screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool

manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans

are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in

need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after

generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the

creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be

nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in

public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If

you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if

the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you

rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be

surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where

you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV, pool tables, weight

rooms or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk

their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate

oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to

fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and

do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little

tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to

have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you

to take advantage of the opportunities of part time jobs, education and

vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means

that you have the right to PURSUE happiness -- which by the way, is a lot

easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created

by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights,"

ARTICLE XI: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are

from, we welcome you here. English is our language and like the one you left

behind, we also have a culture. Learn it or go back to the country and the

living conditions you were fleeing.